Heartache ain't worth the trouble, my darling?

"Liebeskummer lohnt sich nicht, my darling" (Heartache ain't worth the trouble, my darling) sang the Swedish singer Siw Malmkvist in 1964.

But this way of thinking is highly counterproductive when it comes to pain of separation! It propagates repressing the pain and thus makes it impossible to process it thoroughly. Feelings are called that because they want to be felt. Otherwise they would be called "repressions". If they are not felt, they will keep knocking on your door until you either let them in or until they lead to depression, bitterness or physical symptoms such as gastro-intestinal diseases or heart attacks. Supposedly positive thinking such as "This is nothing" or "He's not worth shedding a tear over" can lead to not looking at your pain, thus not processing it, and thus it uncontrollably plays havoc in our subconscious and influences our future behaviour in dating.

Furthermore, a person suffering from separation pain does not feel taken seriously when hearing this sentence. But the pain of separation must be taken seriously. People murder, commit suicide or die from unrequited love. Yes, one can die of the so-called broken heart syndrome (a sudden disruption in the functioning of the lower chamber of the heart often triggered by emotional anguish or stress).

When someone loses a loved one through death, that person's pain is taken seriously by everyone. No one would think of saying, "Grief is not worth the trouble." However, if we are abandoned, we have to listen to all kinds of stupid sayings like, "Other mothers have beautiful daughters/sons too" or "Just shrug it off as a nice memory."

People who hear such sayings often wonder what is wrong with them, why they are suffering so much when it is obviously not so bad. However, there are many reasons why we can't get over a break-up. I go into these reasons and how you can track them down and resolve them in my book "Noone needs to suffer. How YOU can end your heartbreak yourself" which will be available in English in early 2024, presumably.