As soon as he shows interest, you lose interest

A widespread phenomenon: You fancy someone, but as soon as you have "conquered" this person, as soon as this person shows serious interest in you and in a relationship with you, you no longer want them. Many people despair of this and can't explain it to themselves. What I also hear quite often is: Either someone fancies me or I fancy him, but there's never an intersection.

How can that be explained?

As long as you're trying to convince a man or a woman that you're great, you can dream about a relationship with him and imagine a wonderful future together. But when he shows serious interest, your fear of commitment takes over. As soon as the dream of a fulfilling relationship is within reach, "threatening" to come true, the flight reflexes kick in.

It may be that after you have conquered him, the fear sets in that you might not be enough for him in the long run or that you might not fulfil his expectations. Or the fear of being "unmasked", of being confined, of being hurt, of being abandoned sets in. But we are not aware of all these fears. And that's why we also ask ourselves why we don't have a relationship.

It may well be that you are able to have a long-term relationship − if your partner is a person who is afraid of commitment (too) and who constantly keeps you at a distance, who you have to conquer constantly.

You will find out more "tricks" that your fear of commitment plays on you and how you can overcome them in my book "What's wrong with me? Why don't I have a (healthy) relationship? which will be available in English in summer 2024, presumably.