Drama addiction - the buzz in relationships

Do you always have relationships that alternate between fights and reconciliation or that were very exciting and emotional at the beginning and ended in drama, or do you find healthy, non-toxic relationships boring? Then it could well be that you are a drama addict. Well-known examples of such relationships are Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown or Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen.

How does drama addiction develop?

If you were exposed to a lot of stress over a long period of time - especially in childhood - then your brain was flooded with adrenaline and endorphins again and again. This is because every time we experience stress and other strong emotions, our body releases both adrenaline and endorphins, which have a similar effect to heroin.

If you have been exposed to psychological stress for a long time, your nervous system perceives this as a normal state over time. This state is familiar to you and you unconsciously try to maintain it, because we cling very strongly to what we are used to, even if it is not good for us at all. Any deviation from the supposed normal state is then perceived as a threat. You then try to get a buzz, for example by doing dangerous sports or by getting into fights or having exuberant feelings in relationships.

Drama in relationships

Relationships are ideal for the big drama, as they trigger us in particular. As a rule, drama addiction arises from our first important relationship, namely with our parents or caregivers. We take these experiences and imprints with us into all our later relationships.

If you are a drama addict, you often find a healthy, non-toxic relationship boring. Therefore, you prefer to look for a relationship with big feelings, drama, strong ups and downs, arguments, tears and big reconciliations. In a relationship where both partners are content, where they don't (mis)use the other to fill their voids and fulfill their needs, where both partners are on an equal footing and not dependent on each other, such dramas are rare. Some believe that love is not as strong then. However, the amount of drama has nothing to do with the strength of love.

What can I do about drama addiction?

The first step is to know that this dynamic exists and to recognize that you are affected. The way out, as with any addiction, is withdrawal.

Start by observing yourself and then try to become aware of when you are looking for drama. If you then relax a lot, this is a withdrawal on a physical level. Because your body is used to the stress hormones, it wants its hormone cocktail back and then your nervous system makes you do something to put you back into stress, for example by telling yourself and others your stressful stories over and over again and thus believing them more and more yourself or by looking for a toxic partner or taking big risks. In other words, you have to be extra vigilant and deny your body the stress hormones, just like an alcoholic has to force themselves not to drink.

How can I do this specifically?

By inceasingly calming your nervous system and thus weaning your body off stress hormones more and more. Then you will need fewer and fewer dramatic relationships to give you a buzz.

The process of physical withdrawal should be as mindful as possible and not rushed. Keep noticing: What do I feel? Do I need a rush? Can I stand not getting a rush? Can I relax? Can I enjoy this relaxation, can I hold on to it? Am I bored without this rush? Can I endure or even enjoy this boredom? Be patient with yourself and don't put yourself under pressure, because that in turn causes stress.

Here are a few tips on how you can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxing your nervous system, and how you can reduce stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol:

• Breathe deeply into your belly, exhaling longer than you inhale

• Laughing, laughter yoga

• Swimming

• Meditation

• Review stressful thoughts with The Work of Byron Katie

• Qi Gong/Tai Qi

• Physical contact

• Contact with animals

• Certain yoga exercises

• Medicinal plants such as St. John's wort, valerian, ashwaghanda.